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They don’t come with manuals, and if
you feel powerless, if you struggle to balance your responsibilities, that's
okay you are not alone.
“I just don’t know what to do
anymore." That was the thought that often ran through my mind. I had no
job, no experience raising or caring for a postpartum mom. Let alone changing a
diaper, and just before my wife’s delivery, I had $0.29 to my name.
As an adult, this was a challenging time. I never felt as fragile. I was in a house of cards and I can't really pinpoint the exact feelings here. You may not be in such a situation, but we may have the following fears in common.
- Fearing the Unknown
Though no parent is perfect,
fatherhood can be challenging and you constantly think and doubt whether you
are good enough or ready. No doubt you will make some mistakes while providing,
nurturing, and being available for your family.
The good thing about fear of the unknown is that you can talk about it. You can talk to your parents, family, and friends. You can even watch YouTube videos or attend parenting classes. Through such activities, you will know what is practically expected of you.
- Fear of Not Being Able To Provide For Your Family
With your wife going through a lot of changes and still healing, all you want to do is provide. You may even want to give everything in the world to your family but circumstances may not allow.
One parent even said;
.jpg "Overcoming Fatherhood Anxiety")
The situation can be stressful, and
your responsibilities may weigh heavily on you. Especially if you don’t have a
stable income like I did. Unburden yourself from the pressure, and remember
that the most important things are love, attention, affection, and your
presence as a father.
A helpful way to save up and still
provide is by;
- Ask close family members to help you with baby clothes,
toys, baby carriers, etc. Instead of buying new ones.
- If friends want to give gifts, ask for diapers and
wipes.
- Budget for your family and cut back on what you don’t
need.
- Cook more to save on costs.
- You can earn extra money by selling tools or things you don't need.
Fear of Not Being Able to Bond with Your Child.
Since month one mom and the baby
have developed a strong bond. Since she will be the primary caregiver, you on
the other hand will be focused on making sure they have everything they need.
With the busy schedule you have, it
might take some time to adjust to another person being part of your life. Don't
withhold affection or give up bonding.
I would recommend talking and
singing to the fetus, once it kicks. I used to place my hand on a body part
stretching Mum’s womb. I listened to the fetal heartbeat by placing my ear in
the womb.
Help bathe the bundle of joy if he or she is already here. When you are not too tired, feed her and help her change diapers. With these practical examples, you will be able to strengthen the bond between you and your baby.
Managing Anxiety as a New Dad
- Be On the Same Page as Your Partner.
Make it normal to speak out from your heart and not leave issues unaddressed. Lots of communication will be needed to work around situations that might be difficult to deal with. Setting and having the same goal will enhance your communication skills.
- Adapt To New Challenges.
Seeing your family happy is your
reward. The child and mom will rely on you, and your role will often involve
tending to them.
You will be exposed to a new set of
challenges that you will need to adapt to. For example making sure the mom eats
healthy, ensuring that the newborn’s umbilical cord stump is clean, and attending prenatal
clinics together, among others.
All those activities cause fatigue. Planning a schedule that fits you both would be helpful start with priorities the rest will be chores. I’ll leave that to you to figure out, keep in mind that you should not push it; it's practice failure.
- Pray Together
- Remind each other of your love
- Share what matters and turn towards, not away
- Be affectionate and have fun together
- Express gratitude and appreciation
- Build family rituals e.g. Cook a special meal or go for a walk on a particular day.
Be confident as a New Dad
Be realistic, and trust in yourself
and your ability to parent. It's challenging, and it’s a lot of work. Keep a
positive attitude that you are capable of doing this no matter the
circumstances.
Don’t fall for the cultural flow of letting your partner do the parenting alone. Remember that you are doing it for your child and their child too. Stretch the comfort zone, to form a stronger relationship with your family. It gives you the motivation to even achieve other things you want for them.
- Get Involved.
Accept the situation and jump right
in be a warm, responsive, and accepting parent. Let the baby see, hear, move
freely, and touch you. Always smile and talk to the baby in a soft tone. Your
baby may even respond by smiling back.
As you keep up with the activities, you'll learn what works for your baby and what doesn't. As a result, you will have to keep coming up with ways of interacting with the baby.
- Keep Your Relationship On Track.
Focus on becoming a team by planning
a nursery and signing up for parenting classes together.
Another way is planning a weekly date night, having self-care routines, and putting the relationship first when you can. Remember, keep your passion alive.
- Embrace Fatherhood
Fatherhood is more about listening.
To do it right, you need to create time for your family. If your baby is still
growing ensure you don’t miss a moment. Whether it’s the first laugh, the first
steps, or the first word.
If your child can understand you and
your mom and know his/her environment, take walks together. Children open up
more in calmer places, such as parks or nature walks. Avoid places with
Cougars, Coyotes, and Bears.
Teach them values and what it’s like
to be responsible for everything they see and touch.
Parenting has no Manual
.jpg "Parenting")
Having children is in your nature.
As a man, you are meant to provide, protect, teach, and nurture your children. With
the help of your wife, you can accomplish more.
We are not flawless, and neither are
our lives. Sometimes your family may face a situation you can’t control. When that
happens remember that a threefold cord is much stronger than a twofold cord.
The one who plans and provides for
all the families in the world will help you, just like he still helps me to
this day. He acts like a third cord between you, your wife, and your child.
For more about a threefold cord
visit jw.org. The topics covered are family challenges, animated videos for kids, songs for kids, and much more.
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